The red flags of an unequal dynamic
While differences in income are normal, refusing to contribute entirely can trigger long-term problems.
When one partner sacrifices and handles 100% of the financial responsibilities, their personal finances may suffer down the road, while the other partner gains.
This creates several challenges.
Budget strain. Even with a six-figure salary, carrying the full weight of household costs limits your ability to save, invest or spend on yourself.
Lifestyle imbalance and negative emotions. When one person is financially constrained while the other uses their full income for leisure, it can foster resentment.
Power imbalance. Financial inequality can also seep into decision-making. The partner who pays for everything may feel overburdened and unheard, while the non-contributing partner may avoid accountability.
Future financial insecurity. Without shared financial planning, big goals — from buying a home to starting a family — may be delayed or derailed entirely.
It’s about more than just paying the bills: aligning your values, goals and decisions is important in a successful relationship.
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How to address it before saying ‘I do’
Before walking down the aisle, a couple in this situation needs to be candid, in a productive, structured way. If you see yourself as the "giving" half of your relationship, here are a few practical steps to hopefully see change.
1. Have a values-based conversation
Frame the conversation not as a confrontation, but as a shared planning session for your future.
You can try something like: “I want us to feel like we’re building something together. Can we talk about how we want to manage money as a team?”
Focus on shared goals, like housing, travel, kids and retirement, and how to achieve them together.
2. Consider financial counseling
If emotions are running high, a third party can help. Premarital or financial counseling can uncover deeper money beliefs and create shared understanding.
Resources like the Financial Therapy Association can help you locate professionals near you.
3. Propose a fair cost-sharing model
A practical approach is using a cost-sharing model like a proportional contribution one.
Under this, you'd figure out the proportion of total household income you each bring in. This system keeps contributions equitable while acknowledging income disparities.
For example, say you earn 70% of your combined income and your partner earns 30%. You'd each contribute these proportions toward shared costs.
So, if those costs are $65,000 annually, you'd pay $45,500 per year, while your partner would pay $19,500 per year.
4. Set boundaries and deadlines
If your partner continues to resist contributing, it's worth asking yourself if this is a difference in values or a refusal to partner in life. Marriage is a financial partnership as much as an emotional one.
Put yourself first by setting a deadline to revisit the conversation and being honest with yourself about your limits.
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